October 23 and Blake’s

When I was 12 years old, I fell in love for the first time (in real life). He was a blond, thin little guy and his birthday was on October 23. I was too shy by then and I never got the guts to tell him I was in love with him, and after a year in our school, he went to study some place else, then I’ve never met him again.

Yesterday I’ve noticed that it was Ryan Reynold’s birthday and he is now happily married to Blake Lively, whose birth date I share. It got me thinking… would things have been different if I had the guts by that time to speak out and we could have been together, maybe my first boyfriend?

That year in 1994 was also when I first saw you in a magazine, and I also fell for you at first sight. I remember for some time I thought that my destiny was to be with a Scorpio, since then I’ve had a Scorpio boyfriend and fell for other Scorpios too. Now there are rumors out there you and Toni may be together and I learned she is a Cancer, as Gisele, the one and only gal you took to the Oscar red carpet in your arms. Do you think you are destined for Cancer?

I know you have dated Blake for a while too and I wonder how good was it? Well, sure, horoscope don’t make the same people, there are just a few traits we would share. But my husband is a Tiger in Chinese horoscope, as you are. But he is Aquarius. And sure there is the environment, how we were raised, what we believe and want out of life, what kind of problems we’ve had to face throughout our lives…

The day before yesterday I was too tired at night and I ended up watching Shutter Island, which was on TV. I remember the first time I’ve watched this movie, how I was impressed by the scene when your character is holding his wife, and he really don’t want to let her go, but she vanishes only for him to wake up. In another scene they both repeat “I love you, I love you so much”. And it was just like that in our “mystical” encounters (I’ll just call it like this from now on). Of course in the movie the background story was so much more sad, with death, crime, craziness, her driving him mad. And right by the end, we wonder: maybe he just choose to continue believing in the story he created, which was better to him than reality.

In that order, I feel like writing here. An imagined story, imagined scenes. I didn’t keep any records of the life we’ve lived in my imagination while I was living in Japan, from 1997 to 1999. This was when Titanic came and I thought Gisele was the one, and I gave up. But I can create a new story now, and I don’t know how long it will last, but I’ll write. If this will give me more joy while living my “real life”. It will be under the category “My life with LD”.



New beginnings

In the beginning of this year, I’ve deleted all the previous posts of this blog, in a attempt of starting out anew. I have tried before to write down imagined situations, conversations, comments on movies and sorts of various things. Including chest off notes, which perhaps I will continue, since the other blog I had can no longer contain certain thought, as they will be under scrutiny of eyes that do not understand myself entirely.

So, to begin again. I’ve known Leo for over 20 years. Oh, well, not the “real life” Leo you all know, as the famous Hollywood celebrity, but let’s just say I’ve created in my mind my own version of Leo, like a imaginary friend who had always been there (and maybe always will?). I was 14 years-old when I moved to Japan to live with my parents who happened to be working there. Before, I’ve lived in Brazil since I was born and by 12 years-old I had a first crush on Leo. I had seen him on “What’s eating Gilbert Grape?” (and honestly, I still believe he should’ve gotten an Academy Award for that one). Then I saw a picture of him as his natural self in a teen magazine, and in the quick facts column I found out that his dream was to travel the world with a loved one and his favorite band was The Beatles. That was it for me. It didn’t took anything else to made me fall in love with him. It lasted two months.

Then things happen and I end up in Japan, with no social life, near my family but without any friends. So by 15 years-old what I had were dreams to make movies and to marry Leo some day. Yes, my friends, and this was all before Titanic.

Now? Well, over 20 years passed by and so many things happened. Leo and I both changed so much. I have no hopes of making movies anymore or marrying him, but I guess I need a new beginning. And a new beginning in this blog too.