Today I read this post from a blog I followed that brought daily messages of inspiration from several different contributors, bringing us “seeds for life”. The title of the post was that sometimes we need changes. And the blog is about to end, exactly because the author needs change.
I thought that this year I would change. Just the day before yesterday I was saddened by a situation which made me rethink all the other recent downturns again. Like I’ve been wanting to go to Japan for a training since last year and it doesn’t seem to ever go right, then I thought about going to Hawaii, but I didn’t really decide and my chance was gone again. Then, the things that I set myself to do this year – get more in touch with friends, exercise more and have a healthy diet, finish that book review so I could get started on my own projects, and most recently, giving a step forward by getting our own place to live. Our own apartment seemed possible, but then we were stopped by this spiritual guidance and… suddenly I’m just feeling tired again. Like we’ve been running in circles and went back to where we were, and got stuck.
So what’s better place to get it off my chest other than this secret blog that almost no one reads? My personal secret therapy?
Here’s to mourn the frustration. I’m over 30 and I never felt so lost in my life. At my 20’s I knew exactly what I wanted, my dreams, where I wanted to be, what I wanted to achieve. And I hear you, I hear all the signs around me saying I should be thankful, talking about being content with what you have, saying thanks everyday. Sure, it sounds so easy. But when it comes to the daily real deal, the truth is that I wonder if that’s it, really, that’s all we’ve got? This is as good as it gets?
I should be grateful because I have a job, and I can pay my bills. And? Nothing else? I shouldn’t wish for anything else in this life?
Last month I got so sick, I was basically sick the whole month. And now again, in May, I got sick for a few days again, with a cold. And thinking it over, I really don’t think it’s only the weather. I believe this was the result of months trying to hold back, trying to keep it cool, then my body just collapsed, couldn’t take it anymore. It was the burst of all the stress it’d been accumulating, and fatigue, and so and so.
I guess I shouldn’t wish for anything else. Who said my life would be easier if I quit this job? Probably I would find other new problems again, because this is the human life really, it will probably only be more difficult to make a living. But, oh boy, I did wish.
I wish I could open a cafe, and sing a few songs on my uke there. And that I could live by the beach, drink coconut water everyday and watch the sunset by the sea. I wish I’d have a life with less pressure and worries, slower in motion and demands. Don’t human beings do too much? We do so much, but how much is it really for more happiness? Shouldn’t we do more to have more happiness in the world, for us, for other living beings in this planet, for nature, for our future generations? Instead of generating more unhappiness. It seems like we’re doing so much for wars, for crimes, for money, for one being better than the other, why is that?
Why? Why can’t we work less? Have less demands? Cause less damages to others, and the world. Make less money. Have less things to buy. Have less white sugar, less meat. Have less things to worry about.
I don’t know. I’m getting concerned with my health. And I believe this is not only my problem, it seems this is a general occurrence of today’s society.
I wish we had more changes.
And so, Leo, we would eat fruits, vegetables, our kids would have a more organic and natural diet. And we would make some movies to inspire, that series too. We would travel, watch movies, sing together (as a family, you and me, and our kids), enjoy more life and work less. Or, well, work would be something we love, so it wouldn’t be a burden. Such would be our accomplishments and our passage in this world.