It’s Sunday afternoon

It’s Sunday afternoon and I’ve asked for a day off today. I had a pretty full month of December, then we started out this period of training (and we’re still in the middle period), then I had two days off. But I still wanted more. In fact, I wanted everyday to be a Sunday afternoon.

The Academy Awards nominees were announced last Jan. 23 and I’ve began my annual routine of trying to watch all the movies at least nominated for best picture. Why do I still do this? Why do I do it at all? I don’t know. Maybe it’s the time of the year when I will most certainly watch films that are good, with some rare exception, and I’ll be forgetting a little about my petty life.

And maybe I could even wonder about the movies I myself could make, or help to see it through. Yesterday I went for “Coco” which is just a sweet thing and I was wondering today that I would be happy, even if it was a job only to paint a little part of one sequence of this amazing movie. I think I’m getting old and more and more I want less. Like, I really would be happy just doing that. When I was on my twenties, I would probably want to do this and that movie, I would want to change the world. Now? I could only be a part of this great universe and do something simple and just content myself with this.

Perhaps this is one of the reasons I still wanna quit my current job. It’s too much psychological pressure, it’s such a responsibility and so much we should respond to, it’s so many headaches and hurt pride, and embarrassment and feelings of being a weak person – like a very bad episode of “Black Mirror”. That feeling.

Now, at this point of my life, I just wanted it simpler. I could sell coconut water at the beach and that would be ok.

I was also reading today about this family who lives with almost no generation of garbage, and that would be so great! Less consumption, less damage to the planet, a simpler way of life. I wanted that too.

I honestly think that we human beings had complicated it too much. Do we really need to work that much? Do we really need to be so fast and furious? Why can’t we just live healthly?

For the past 8 years I almost had no free Sundays. How would it be my Sunday, even if I was living with Leo? I would probably want to lazily wake up to the sun, have a walk outside, write a friend or two, have coconut water, read something good, write a little, play some ukulele, play with the pets, hug my partner, say hi to my mom, have a tasty dinner, watch a nice movie, take a nice shower, breathe in deeply with satisfaction and go to bed.

How can I reach everyday Sunday?

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Low maintenance

So December was a month with a load of work, hardly any time to rest, I couldn’t get a break. In came 2018, and only now when I have time to stop and breathe in and out… do my resolutions continue to be the same as the previous few years? Let’s see.

Well, last year I was able to finish off a debt relating to that last university course I took (and did only half of it), which was mainly my number one and only goal. So, for this year, I was thinking in one big goal which is… play the ukulele. I know, it seems so easy and trivial, but I’ve been postponing it for some time already and I’ve always wanted to play an instrument, I need to have a new hobbie in my life and it may also help me when I’m down and depressed. By the end of December I’ve watched this swell movie, Sing Street, by John Carney, and I’ve renewed the wish to include more music in my life.

I actually like the thought that I could live by the beach, have more coconut water and fish in my diet (which are very good for a diabetic diet), maybe open a place and sing to guests once in a while. This is actually my retirement thoughts, but… oh, I wish I could trade my current life.

Yeah, another goal for my life this year is to lower the glucose level in my blood, keep it stable – and that is only possible with a controlled diet and some physical exercises.

In my imagined reality with L, one of his friends would actually call me a low maintenance girl. Asked by a curious reporter or journalist, he would describe me as a “spiritual guide”, and that I have not many material attachments. Like I don’t care about brands, expensive cars or fashion items. I wouldn’t wear much jewelry, and I would prefer to live in a small place, which would be easier to clean up. I would wear simple, organic or recycled clothes, and I wouldn’t need many different clothes, accessories, I wouldn’t wear makeup and neither would I need hair products.

So it’s not like Leo would spend too much on me, however, he would have offered me enough so I didn’t need to work with whatever just for keeps, enough to live the rest of my (low maintenance) life, that is, an opportunity to finally be free to do what I really wanted. In turn, I would help out making him having a more fulfilling life, to be more content.

Yesterday I’ve just lent an amount to my parents, who seem to be always in debt. But it’s ok, this year I will wear simple clothes, study at home, exercise at home, learn how to play the uke by YouTube videos, eat more vegetables and fruits (less fast food and restaurants), and gather money for a trip. What else?

Come to think of it, I still got like 25 years before retirement… I mean I never wanted to live that much, but let’s say I’ve got about that. When I was 20 years-old, I was so sure, so certain of what I wanted to be, what I wanted to do. It’s very weird to now don’t know anything. I don’t know if I really want to be married and have kids. I’ve never wanted that, like many girls dream of. But I don’t know really what the next step is going to be. What can 2018 bring to me? Can I quit that job finally and move on to the next part of my life? Let’s stick with the ukulele for now.