The morning after the tree house

I like reading this story (a fan fic episode)… it is so dreamy and funny. Written in March 2013.


D woke up at the tree house after that magical night, which she was not so sure if it did really happened or what. There was a note from L, “please come for breakfast at the main house when you wake up, L”. She got to the pool house, took a shower to refresh herself and the day was just so sunny and beautiful. She walked up to the kitchen of the main house, where she found L, Turtle, Kev, Haas and Nana cooking pancakes. Leo saw her coming.


L: Hey! (smile)

D: Good morning…


All the boys: Good morning.

It was a kind of funny “good morning”, as they never really proper greet her one after the other like that, in such an orderly manner, perhaps it was just an impression.


T: D, take a look at this. This house has never seen such a gorgeous breakfast like that.

K: Yeah, take a seat and enjoy. We have fruits, muscats, papaya, strawberries, yogurt, orange juice, baguettes… or Nana can cook you up pancakes.

Haas: or omelets. And there are some of these sweet pastries too… (he grabbing some)


Nana hands a plate of pancakes to Turtle, who goes for the refrigerator to get whipped cream and also grab some strawberries.


D: Wow, what happened here, Nana? Someone’s birthday?

Nana: I’ve no idea. I got up and it seems Leo woke up earlier than me. This ain’t ever happened before, believe me, young ladie.

L: Whoa… I just wanted some fresh, healthy fruit by the morning, what’s the big deal?

Haas: the big deal is that you never, ever do that. Aham.


Nana (to D): so, darling, what’s goin’ be?

D: Well, uhm, woo, everything smells so great… How about an omelet with those greeny thingies and those bits of tomatoes and bacon? Oh, and cheese!

Nana: comin’ right up!


While Nana gets herself to work, D goes get a glass for orange juice.


K: so, lady D, what are the big plans for today?

D: what you mean? Today is my day off. Look at this beautiful sky out there… I will do absolutely nothing.

Haas: what? No, no, no, that’s impossible. You’re gonna work on something. You’re always working on something.

D: well, not today. Look at this sunny Sunday. [smiles] Today, you boys have Leo all by yourselves. I’ll be by the pool or just lay lazy somewhere.


And so the conversation went on. Well, obviously that sweet breakfast was not a casual thing, Leo was feeling really happy too for some reason, and deep down there what he really wanted to do was to spend lazily the day with D. But, the boys would obviously not let that happen. He would’ve to go along with them for whatever fun they were supposed to have buying new outfits or arguing with Artie, or trying golf.


That was okay. At night, as all the nights, he would go to the pool house and maybe he and D would have ice-cream and watch something on TV or a movie. Only… well, he guessed, maybe they would have to talk about what happened the night before. Probably she would want that, right? Would she?




Yo soy Betty, la fea

So this post I was reading was by the time I was watching again on TV the Colombian (original) version of “Ugly Betty” soap opera. For some reason, I really like that show, it was so simple and naive, and so poorly made, but delightful.

And here it is the best part of the post:

“You see, even if I am not the tall, blonde, rich, popular top he always dates, I would have something else important to him. Just like Betty was mocked by everyone (and she herself is conscious about her looks getting in the way); just like Cinderella had to make over; just like Belle had to see the essence and the Beast had to prove deep down there he had a kind heart and was worthy of Belle’s heart… My story would go in a mixture of all these stories, the pure and sweet girl, devoted and kind, romantic and loyal, that would be exactly the girl that he needed, only didn’t realize before. In time, L would see how he loved to be around D, he would enjoy her company at any time, appreciate her hard-working posture, her simplicity and how she could be happy with simple things life had to offer, how she would make him a better person, how she would be always willing to listen, how she would face problems and try to overcome them, how she would bring his spirits peace, how she would always try to be in a good mood, how she would always be by his side. Eventually, how he loved to hug her and kiss her. How he would love her truly.”

if we were to meet for real

I was re-reading some old posts I had written for this blog in the past, and there are a few I quite like actually. I’m always (during my life) imagining how would it be if Leo and I were to meet in real life and get together. Then, there was this post in 2013 which pretty much sums it up and I was impressive the story didn’t change much til today.

It would be like…


I would already know Japanese, English, Spanish and Portuguese, so I would be Leo’s translator for this special event. He would have meetings and get to know some of our initiatives, and there would be a gala where he would receive an award for his contribution to the world by his activities concerning the environment. We would become friends and enjoy talking to each other. These conversations would be extended by emails after I got back to Brazil and he would invite me to be his interpreter again, for a trip visiting different states and to meet different places with social and environmental initiatives.

Then, we get to be close friends and he would offer me an opportunity to be the editor for a documentary series, and to go along with him and crew to different countries to shoot these scenes. After months on the road, we would do final cuts in LA. And then we would realize we care much for each other…

And it wouldn’t matter to him anymore if I didn’t look like a model or had the glamour of Hollywood celebrities. I would support him and encourage him to a more fulfilling life, our differences would actually combine to the benefit of both of us, and we would also had lots of fun, cause together we would always have a new idea, we could talk about everything and nothing, cause we’d both love to travel, get to know new places, people and things, we would have our adventures, we would enjoy each other’s company so much. Maybe I wouldn’t be the ideal girl everyone would expect for him, but I would be someone reliable and caring, whom he could always trust and have by his side.

There would be a time I would help him get through an acting process, for which he would finally be nominated and win that award. And up there on the stage, he would propose, to which I, in tears, would obviously and happily accept.

We would get married. There would be media disbelief, press manipulation, headlines and special interviews (which funds gone as donation for a good cause). But it would be true, indeed. And we would travel all over the world, getting involved in different social initiatives. And we would have kids, twins (a girl and a boy).

We would lead a healthy life and we would love each other despite arguments, routine, hardships, unexpected circumstances and envy. We would grow older, having good friends and good times. And die peacefully.

Yep. That’s how it goes. That’s the life of LD.

Love you, Darling, always.


4 am and still lost

It’s been a while since I have been waking up at 4 am or something. I end up falling asleep by 9 or 10 pm and I have the feeling I’ve been more tired lately too. I don’t know, things are not as they used to be anymore. Perhaps it’s a mid-life crisis, I’m over 30 and this year I decided to stop doing that second college course, film school to be more exactly, the pursue of a life-time, a dream to be realized, to be even more exactly.

That’s right. That was a time in my life I knew exactly what I wanted. I wanted to make movies. Not as an actress, as most kids do, but write, edit, direct. I wish I could create great stories that would excite and inspire others.

Today I have a nice job. Not the dream job, but I know that there will always be a part of your work you don’t like and you just have to bear with, endure, hang in there. I actually enjoy doing translation, which is only part of what I do, there is seldom something new and different to do and hardly time to be bored. In a way, it’s a job that have some meaning, that contributes in some way to the world. However… I keep wanting to quit. At this point, I don’t even know if I could do anything else, what am I going to do if I quit? I should just be thankful, as it is not that bad and allows me to pay the bills.

In fact, this was supposed to be the best time of my life, I’m on the top. A nice job, a nice boyfriend who respects me and cares about me, my family is more stable, I’m health enough. So what’s wrong with me? Do you ever ask yourself that? I have everything I could possibly ask for, and yet is the human being always this being that can’t just be content? There will always be a feeling that “something is missing”? Do we really live in Matrix?

Well, I guess even celebrities must be like that. They have everything that mankind may possibly want, yet they must go through some moments when things doesn’t make that much sense. What if my utmost dream came true and I actually got married to Leo? Would I do nothing (as of work) and be happy? I don’t think so. I surely would quit my job, but then I’d probably seek ways to help out the world somehow. Maybe get involved in social initiatives or that concerns the environment.

That would be nice. But how about myself now? I’m just back from a trip to Japan, where I had another buddhist training. Things were supposed to be so clear… I mean, I work in a buddhist temple. And I will never quit this Teaching, but I’m still not sure if this work is quite for me. Maybe I just didn’t get used to not pursuing that filmmaking dream anymore, maybe this is a question that will always be thereupon.

And my love life? Oh, boy, I’m so lost. I thought this person was a person “chosen by the buddhas” for me. Someone who could walk along the path with me, someone who likes me, supports me, respects me. I’ve been single for a looong time before him and finally it seemed to fit right, but then spiritual indications pointed out another direction, it was a completely bad outcome indicated, breaking my legs, totally unexpected by me.

Again, what should I do? Split up and then what? I know I just can’t find such a nice person easily out there, and I hardly have any chances of meeting up with new people. So it would be like chosing to be alone, really. Well, for a long time that didn’t scare me at all. I believed I could live all by myself just fine. Then, this person came up and I had a new hope, that maybe I didn’t need to be alone after all. I don’t really have friends that I can do things together with, I used to have a bunch, but my line of work and time just drove us apart. Also, people marry, build a new life… I thought this was that time for me, marry and build up a new life with a partner. Should I choose to be unhappy with someone, or to be unhappy alone?

Oh Leo, I wish life would be easy as my 12-years-old dreams, when I would get an Academy Award by 18, marry you by 28, have kids by 36 and die by 54. But this is my real life and I’m still lost. How did that really worked, what the Oracle told Neo?

New beginnings

In the beginning of this year, I’ve deleted all the previous posts of this blog, in a attempt of starting out anew. I have tried before to write down imagined situations, conversations, comments on movies and sorts of various things. Including chest off notes, which perhaps I will continue, since the other blog I had can no longer contain certain thought, as they will be under scrutiny of eyes that do not understand myself entirely.

So, to begin again. I’ve known Leo for over 20 years. Oh, well, not the “real life” Leo you all know, as the famous Hollywood celebrity, but let’s just say I’ve created in my mind my own version of Leo, like a imaginary friend who had always been there (and maybe always will?). I was 14 years-old when I moved to Japan to live with my parents who happened to be working there. Before, I’ve lived in Brazil since I was born and by 12 years-old I had a first crush on Leo. I had seen him on “What’s eating Gilbert Grape?” (and honestly, I still believe he should’ve gotten an Academy Award for that one). Then I saw a picture of him as his natural self in a teen magazine, and in the quick facts column I found out that his dream was to travel the world with a loved one and his favorite band was The Beatles. That was it for me. It didn’t took anything else to made me fall in love with him. It lasted two months.

Then things happen and I end up in Japan, with no social life, near my family but without any friends. So by 15 years-old what I had were dreams to make movies and to marry Leo some day. Yes, my friends, and this was all before Titanic.

Now? Well, over 20 years passed by and so many things happened. Leo and I both changed so much. I have no hopes of making movies anymore or marrying him, but I guess I need a new beginning. And a new beginning in this blog too.