It’s the end of a Carnival holiday here in Brazil. While most people had a 5 day off to party out, I actually had 3 days off – which is actually good, considering I’ve been feeling I can’t rest much, since months ago. Well, this is a problem, actually. I take days off, but I don’t feel rested, do you know? I don’t feel relief.
Instead, I get anxious about all the workload I will have when I come back, and that horrible feeling of not wanting to go to bed so I won’t have to wake up to another day and have to go back to work.
These past weeks I have been thinking about my past, this February we had a traditional celebration to toss “beans” as a symbol of bringing in good fortune for the year, and those who threw the beans were of the year of the Dog, according to the Chinese zodiac. Well, I am of the year of the Dog, and so it happens that from 12 to 12 years, it’s “my year”. So I was thinking back. Like, when I was 12 years old, how was it? My life, I mean. And at 24? I’ll be 36 this year and it should be a good year, if I am to compare.
At 12 years-old, I fell in love for the first time. Also, it was the year I changed schools, I “met” Leo for the first time. What else? I don’t know why, but I have the heart-memory that it was a good year. Then, in 2006, I started out in Disney World (I was working there at the time), the fireworks were beautiful. I got a new boyfriend, and I really thought he was the one. I thought I would have to go to Japan, but fortunately I got a new job, in a field I was expecting to find work (translation, at the time). I went to Japan. It was a nice year.
Now… Ellen DeGeneres is 60, oh my. I once believed I was going to make movies with Spielberg, but he’s old too. And so am I.
Oh, yes, I’ve read about your new model and the DaVinci movie. That’s nice. The DaVinci movie, I mean.
Last week I made a small trip and I had one of those L&D moments. I also watched a movie, Hungarian contender this year for the Academy Awards, called “On body and soul”. I once had a thought for a movie that it was like that: two strangers having the same dream. Of course, my story would play out differently than it was this one. But I guess, in that hotel room, that morning, I just remembered I would still like to do a movie about this.
This year I’ll be 36 and not at all where I dreamed I would be at. I would be having kids by now. I would have won Oscars by now. So at which point of my past would I return and change it all? This morning I was wondering.
However, I can’t change the past, and this is the life I have now.
At 12, I was at a new school, I found an important love for my life. At 24, I was at a new job, I found an important love for my life. This is the year of the dog. It should bring changes, it should be good for my love life. Well? How is it going to be? I guess it depends on me. It depended on me to live love. To go and not be afraid of the challenges, get some things new into my life. Let’s see.